Saturday, May 5, 2007

Sardar Jokes

> Good one friend!
>
>
>
> 1 - Interviewer: what is your birth date?
>
> Sardar: 13th October
>
> Which year?
>
> Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
>
> 2 - Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
>
> Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underwear'
>
> Teacher: What?
>
> Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy
>
> 3 - Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that
> has more than 100 letters in it?
>
> Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
>
> 4 - After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do
> I look like a foreigner?
>
> Wife: No! Why?
>
> Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
>
> 5 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this
> village???
>
> Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
>
> 6 - Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how
> will you escape?
>
> Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
>
> 7 - Sardar : You cheated me. Shopkeeper: How ? Sardar : YOu said this is
> American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
>
> 8 - Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
> computer.
>
> Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening. Sardar : Keyboard
> alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
>
> 9 - Sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if
> thebomb explodes while fixing. Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
>
> 10 - Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar
> why areyou removing a wheel from your auto. Sardar : Cant you read the
> board.
>
> Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
>
>
>
> 11 - Sardar : What is the name of your car ? Lady : I forgot the name,
> but isstarts with "T". Sardar :
>
> Oye Kamaal di gaddi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
>
> Hamaari gaddi petrol se start hoti hai.
>
>
>
> 12 - Sardar got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told
> his wife
>
> : Today you have to sleep with the manager. Wife fainted.
>
> 13 - American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti
> hai.
>
> Sardar: Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.
>
>

Why Mr. Warren Buffet is the Second Richest Man in the World !!!


                        There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second
                        richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very
                        interesting aspects of his life:


                        1)He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started
                        too late!


                        2)He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering
                        newspapers.


                        3)He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house  in mid-town Omaha,
                        that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has
                        everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a
                        fence.


                        4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or
                        security people around him.


                        5)He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest
                        private jet company.


                        6)His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one
                        letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for
                        the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.


                        7) He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any
                        of your share holder's money.  Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number
                        1.


                        8)He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after
                        he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.


                        9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5
                        years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with
                        Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled  his meeting only for half hour. But
                        when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates
                        became a devotee of Warren Buffet.


                        10)Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his
                        desk.


                        11)His advice to young people: Stay away from credit cards and invest in
                        yourself.


                        Amazing individual indeed  

Confidence !!

This is called Confidence!

Hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology:


It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system.


Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.


One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies:
"If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off....................This is called Confidence!
+++++++
 

modern communication

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in
his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...

somewherein Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's
funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages
from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she
fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his
mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife


Subject: I've Reached safely

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have

computers here now, and you are allowed to send

e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have

been checked in. I see that everything has been

prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward

to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful

as mine was.

Regards,


YourLoving Husband

Maths at its best.

Beauty of Maths!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And finally, take a look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Call centres in 2050

Imagine....

It is 2050 and call centres are opening all
over the West, as the new economic power India
out-sources work to the countries where many jobs
originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to
adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs
that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the
world: Rupees. Some of them, eager to land one of the
customer service jobs from India, are attending
special training sessions in New York City, led by
language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler
name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching
three ambitious students how to communicate with
Indian customers.

Professor: "Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need
to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be
known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be
Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you
just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?"

Gary: "Name-as-tea ?"

Professor: "I think you mean 'Namaste.' Very good. But
what do you say after that?"

Gary: "How can I help you?"

Professor: "You're on the right track. Anyone else?"

Jane: "How can I be helping you?"

Professor: "Good try! You're using the correct tense,
but it's not quite right. Anyone else?"

Randy: "How I can be helping you ?"

Professor: "Wonderful! Word order is very important.
Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment
that would help you make a connection with your Indian
customers."

Randy: "It's really hot, isn't it?"

Professor: "The heat is always a good topic, but you
haven't phrased it correctly. Try again."

Randy: "It's deadly hot, isn't it?"

Professor: "That's better. But your tag question can
be greatly improved."

Randy: "It's deadly hot, no?"

Professor: "Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of
almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?"

Jane: "Yes, we are understanding you, no?"

Professor (smiles): "We may need to review this later.
But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard
Indians use the word 'yaar'?"

Randy: "Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time.
Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give
me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar
computer."

Professor (laughs): "That's a different 'yaar,' yaar.
The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or
buddy. You can use it if you've developed a rapport
with a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on,
yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you
understand, Jagadamba?"

Jane: "Yaar, I do."

Professor (smiles): "Okay, let's talk about accents.
If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I
bought for my vife,' how would you respond?"

Randy: "Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be
wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight."

Professor: "Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a
bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But
Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you
have any questions about what we've just learned?"

Gary: "Yes, Professor, I do have one question:
Wouldn't it be simpler to learn Hindi?"

Best Out of Office Auto Replies

Best Out of Office Auto Replies


1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position.

Be prepared for my mood.


2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
the office.

If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.


3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you
send me until I return From holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order It was received.


4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99
for the first ten Words and £1.99 for each additional word in your
message.


5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver This message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.


6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system...

You are Currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 13 weeks.


7. I've run away to join a different circus.


8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons...

When I return, Please refer to me as ' Margaret ' instead of 'Steve'.

Play with words...too good....


Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!

 

 


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:




ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!

__._,_.___
 

Funny signs

# Sign on a Undertaker's Shop at Mahim :
"People are dying for our services"

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
we need your heads to run our business.

# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they
never will be.....


#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations such
as Jaish, Lashkar etc.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces

Real Story-Bangalore-Weak Hearts dont read...

Please pass this to as many as possible


If you know some one staying in B'glore let them know this If you are in
b'lore, do go through this story COZ, its a real one.
Read this true story... and let everybody you know in and around
Bangalore especially Bannerghatta Road ........

My friend lives in Malleshwaram... One day he went to Bannerghatta Road
to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding
in
Coimbatore . One evening he and some other of my college friends went to
Yellahanka for a movie.

He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the
last local bus to Bannerghatta Road ..... he reached Bannerghatta Road
around
midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home....
As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy
as it was so dark. While walking, he was stonished to See an old creepy
looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a
thing like that..... It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that
his old guy is
unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son why don't
you get a
book...it would keep you company". Then he did something which he would
regret for the rest of his life .........

My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his
collections... My friend's hair started to rise up as he noticed that
all the books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one
that was very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?".... The old guy
replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250.
My
friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive" This time the
old man
stared which freaked my friend. My friend quickly checked all his
pockets & found Rs.200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied
"It's OK son ....you can have
the book for that price"

As ! my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back
& said "Son ... whatever happen, you don't ever flip the book to it's
last
page... remember these words or you would regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly
asked his Uncle whether there was any new old bookseller nearby? The
Uncle
replied "not that I know of but ...we've heard that there's 1 old man
comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is
something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle...just
asking". He started reading the book with the old man's words on his
mind.. At
night, 12 0'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled
him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the wind had blown the
pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said! But we
humans
tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the
last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart warn you

..........

...

...

...

...

.

..

..

..

...

..

..

..

..

..

....

Original price:-- Rs. 20/-

Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-

**********************************

LOllll lollllllllllll


Don't Start Cursing Me, I felt the Same way on reading
this __._,_.___

Yoga Vs Whiskey

Pic 1: it takes years of practice to do this asana.

Pic2: it takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do the above asana.

So why practice, simply have whiskey !!

MUST READ!! GREAT STORY

There was a boy in high school we will call Joey. One day Joey leaned

over to the girl sitting next to him in class and whispered, "Red

roses."

The shocked girl stood up, slapped Joey in the face and went crying to

the teacher. The teacher called Joey to the desk and asked what he had

said.

Red roses" was Joey's reply, at which the teacher screamed and sent

poor Joey to the principal's office.

As Joey waited in the lobby to be called in, he pondered what was

happening to him. His thoughts where cut short by the sound of the

secretary saying he could go in. Joey walked into the office and was

told to take a seat, which he did.

After telling the story of how he had been wrongly accused and how he

knew there was some mistake, the principal smiled and asked, "OK,

Joey, I understand. What did you say to her?" Joey was sure the

principal would be a reasonable man and responded "Red roses." you

could watch as the principal turned red and shouted "YOU'RE EXPELLED!

GET OUT!"

Joey asked to wait for the bus to take him home, since he lived some

distance away. "NO!" Then Joey was informed that if he were caught on

the premises again, he would be arrested for trespassing.

Very distraught, Joey set out on his way home. He had made it about a

mile down the road when Old Man Jones, the local pig farmer, stopped

and offered a ride home. Joey, being very upset, of course, accepted

the ride.

Not more than a mile down the road, Old Man Jones asked why Joey

wasn't in school, so Joey told the story of the events that had

happened that day. At the end of the story, the old man said that it

sounded like Joey had quite a rough time of it "Oh, and what did you

say?" Joey hesitated-- should he tell the man what he said, or not? He

decided to tell him. "Red roses."

The tires squealed as the truck ground to a halt.Old Man Jones reached

over and opened the door and pushed Joey out on his ear.

Now very angry, Joey got up, brushed himself off, and continued on his

way home. Upon arriving at home, Joey's mother, Mrs. Campbell, saw

that her son wasn't looking too good, and asked why he hadn't caught

the bus. Joey told her. She fixed Joey a bowl of soup and then asked,

"Joey, dear, what on earth did you say to that little girl?" Joey

wasn't sure what to do. He knew his mother loved him, but he didn't

want her to have the same reaction everyone else had. But he told her

anyway. "Red roses."

Joey waited in his room with a bruised ego and a sore bottom,

wondering what would happen when his father got home. Six o'clock came

around and Joey's father got home. He could hear his parents arguing

outside his door and then suddenly it was quiet. Mr.. Campbell came

into the room and said, "Your mother told me you had some trouble at

school, but I told her you and I would figure it out.

But the first thing is you have to tell me what you said." "OK, Dad, I

said red roses'," was Joey's response. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU"RE NO

SON OF MINE!"

The next morning, Joey decided he needed to get a job. It was awhile

before he found anyone who would hire a 15-year-old who had been

expelled from high school and kicked out of the house. But Joey wasn't

a quitter, and he did find a job working at a gas station in a

neighboring town. After a few months, Joey had managed to get settled

in his new job and had even moved into the apartment over his boss'

garage.

On a particularly slow day at work Joey's boss asked what had happened

that caused everything that had happened to happen. Joey went into

along story of emotional stress,misunderstood youth, the pain of

having lost all of his friends and family in one fateful day. The tale

Joey spun was so powerful; his boss was moved to tears and, out of

compassion, offered to adopt Joey.

With the firstsmile to cross his lips in months, Joey accepted. On the

way to thecourtproceedings a few days later, Joey's boss asked him,

"Exactly, what did you say to her?" Without thinking, Joey replied,

"Red roses." His boss grew as white as a ghost and said, "That was my

niece, you little pervert!"

Once again, Joey was without a friend in the world. The next day Joey

took all the money he had managed to save and bought a bus ticket "to

wherever the farthest place from here is."

As he waited for his bus, a little old lady sat down next to him on

the bench. Even though he didn't want to, she started talking, and

before you knew it, she had heard almost the whole story. But she

interrupted and asked what he had said."Ma'am, I said 'red roses'."

Well, the words were just barely out of his mouth when she started

beating him with her cane.

In order to flee the fury of the old woman, he ran across the road,

but he never made it to the other side. He was hit by a speeding Mack

truck and he died.

The moral of this story is,

No matter what happens , always look both ways before crossing the street.

Don't look for me, somebody has forwarded it to me, I may be miles
away from you already now!!! He He He!!!!.

The Indian Devil

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do
here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers
that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He
told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay
you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in
and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as
all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not
work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to
the canteen!!!!!!

Fwd: Cancer in Children (please do not delete!)]


 

Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer .. I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. D octors say   I will die soon if! this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills.

The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this   message is sent on.



For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who   don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart, please send   this.

Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. PLEASE HIT FORWARD   BUTTON   NOT REPLY BUTTON.


 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                            


 
                                                                                                                                                  YOUR'S FAITHFULLY,
 
                                                                                                                                                    AMY BRUCE

 
                                                                                                                                                 
amy.bruce@makeawish.com
       
 
                                                                                                                                              ( PLEASE HELP ME LIVE LIKE YOU DO) 

Wife of Yesterday, Today and Future



Blog Archive