A Smart Love Letter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a couple and they love each other deeply however, the girl's
father does not like the boy and want them stop their
relationship...........and

so......the boy wrote this letter to the girl.....he knows that the
girl's father will definitely read this letter...

1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows everyday. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to take care for me and help me
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye ! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad !! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy
told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES"..... meaning-only to read
1,3,5,7,9,11,13.....etc (odd number)

So please try reading it again

Dead duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she
laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and
listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his
head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure ?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean you haven't done
any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned
a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's
owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to
bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad
yes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the
room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm
sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a
bill, which he handed to the woman.The duck's owner, still in shock,
took the bill. "$150!" she cried, $150 just to tell me my duck is
dead !"

The vet shrugged, " I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat
Scan, it's now $150."

L E M O N J U I C E!!!

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a Rs.10000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until
all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who
could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people
like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but
nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari
suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After
the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and
squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little
man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd
cheered, the bartender paid the Rs.10000, and asked the little man, "What do
you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

"No," replied the man.

Any GUESSES!!!!!!!!

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"I work as a project manager in a software company!!"

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men

 

 

I n the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with
Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???


Pass it on to the poor fellas for info & to the gals for a good laugh !

 

 

.

 

Managers Assesment ! ! ! In a true sense !

Dear Manager (HR),

Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report

sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13)

for my true assessment of him.

Priceless !!!

A man wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".Confused,he asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,"Lady leave me alone!         I'm married!"

Moral:

 

 

Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00
Broken furniture -- Rs. 20,000.00
Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00

Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!