The freaky mahine

One day, Pete complained to his friend,"My elbow
really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at
the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a
doctor. Simply put in a
sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell
you what you can do about it It only costs $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a
jar with a urine sample
and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample
and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making
some noise and various
lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper,
which read: You have
tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy
labor. It will be
better in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it
would change medical science forever, he be gan to
wonder if this could be
fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water,a stool sample from
his dog,and urine
samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the
concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer,
poured in the sample
and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the
usual noises, flashed
lights,and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.
3. Your daughter is gettin' screwed by three guys at
the same time and
having urinary infection. Put her on antibiotic and
keep a track of her
outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . twin girls. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And bastard,....... if you don't stop jerking
off,your elbow will never
get better !!!!!!!

Baap of All PJs

One gangster gave three fully sealed khokas (typical mumbaian word, u
should be familiar if u have seen vaastav) to his fellow and ordered
him not to open these khokas....after three days ,gangstar shot that
fellow..when another gangboy asked his gangstar why did you shoot him,
he said i ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my
order..gangboy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how
did you know that he had opened the khokas??

gangstar said when i touched three khokas i felt two khokas were hot
and one was cold..gangboy could not understand anything..

can you guess how the gangstar found it out???
guess.....
scroll down..

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'thandaa matlab khoka khola' !!

Learnt from you

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the
stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and
asked her, "Ma' am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?"

She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't
sleep with you tonight!"

Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly
returns to his table dejected and ashamed.

The young woman, waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With
a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am
a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how
people react to embarrassing moments."

The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"