Software engineering

. Thank you for your cooperation.

Updated! must see

 

 

Dont miss the that last one!

 

TO KILL A " LION"  COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD 
 

 

 

 

  Satyam Method:

 

Hire a lion....

 

Place him in "QRU"(Bench)  for 1 year

Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder

 

Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......

 

Cognizant Method:

hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.

hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit

give them same gobi 65 to eat

hire 200 more....... and more ........

 

TCS method:

 

hire a lion

give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary

lion dies of hunger and frustration

 

 

IBM's method:

 

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....

he dies of unemployment...

 

Syntel Method:-

 

Hire a Cat ...

assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and

make sure that he never reaches onsite.

Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

 

TechMahindra method:

 

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.

lion dies of the strain

 

i-Flex method:

 

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari

for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes

alive he will get band movement (promotion)

holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

 

     HCL Method:

 

hire a lion .

tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...

lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....

 

Polaris Method :

 

hire ..sorry....purchase a lion( HCL  ) ..

change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )

cut down his allowance (coupons etc)

lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

 

 

Patni method:

 

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...

the lion dies before joining....

 

 

Wipro Method:

Hire a Lion,

give him a mail Id.

he will die receiving stupid mails all day........!!!!

 

Accenture Method:

 

Hire a lion....

Send him to chennai

Ask him to stay on bench for a long time

Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada

No hindi, kanaka or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...

No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls

And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".

Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

 

HUAWEI Method:

 

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...

Give him work of 3 Lions

Tell him to work late and even on weekends...

No time for food and family, automatically die

 

 

 

 

INFOSYS METHOD:

HIRE A LION�..

SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE

...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J

MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM 

............... LION TURNS INTO CAT

MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM

�...........................................�.CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE

SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG  

................................. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!

SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS

................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE

   THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

 

 BOSCH METHOD: 

 

developer explanation:: 

Hire a Free Bird,

Give him 100 tickets and tell him that tomorrow is the software freeze.

Bird will try to become a lion ,but he cant and PM will kill the bird