Fwd: Scrabble

 

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE When you rearrange the letters: FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL DILIP VENGSARKAR When you rearrange the letters: SPARKLING DRIVE BARA THEDA When you rearrange the letters: ARAB DEATH PRINCESS DIANA When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN MONICA LEWINSKY When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN   DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROO M PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE   GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE   When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY   ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE   ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

 

 

Fwd: funny !

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of
dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it
instead
of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to
spend
all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in
20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you
for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

One liners from Dilbert

Dilbert's one liners

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate
it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week.

--
Nishant V. Patel

HOW WAS I BORN?

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
Cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother Agreed
to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to Upload, we
discovered that neither One of us had used a firewall, but it was too
late to hit the delete Button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message Saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized Program activity
from a self extracting file which had implanted In her BIOS. Then nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared And said: You've Got Male'!"

HAPPY KERALAM

HAPPY KERALAM

VS Achuthanandan, Oommen Chandy, Pinarayi Vijayan & K.Karunakaran were
flying in a helicopter.

VS Achuthanandan drops a Rs.100.00 note & says,
'I made 1 Malayalee happy.'

Chandy drops two Rs.50.00 notes & says,
'I made 2 Malayalees happy.'

Pinarayi drops ten Rs.10.00 notes & says,
'I made 10 Malayalees happy.'

K Karunakaran drops 100 One Rupee coins & says,
'I made 100 Malayalees happy.'

The pilot who overheard all these, warned them,
'I'll throw all four of you out and make three crores of Malayalees happy.'

Send this to your Malayalee pals & make them Happy.

Greeting

From:Portia Ama Kwabina
Accra, Ghana.
 
Dearest,
 
I got your contact during my search for a reliable, honest and a trust worth person to entrust this huge transfer project with. My name is Ms Portia Ama Kwabina, Branch manager of a financial institution here in Ghana. I am a singal mother with a kid.  I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only.
 
This fund is the excess of what my branch in which am the manager made as profit during the 2005 financial year. I have already submitted annual report for that year to my head office here in Accra as I have watched with keen interest as they will never know of this excess.I have since, placed this amount of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only to an Escrow Coded account without a beneficiary (anonymous) to avoid trace.
 
As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money into your bank account on my behalf. I intend to part 30% of this fund to you while 70% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It's going to be a bank-to-bank transfer. All I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund so that the fund can be transferred to your account. If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response urgently.
 
With Regards,
Ms Portia Ama Kwabina.

---

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Fwd: Two Moons on 27th August

Hello,

*Two moons on 27 August*

*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for...*

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.

It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will
cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be
sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth
has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it
again.

The paradox of our time in history is that….

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers

Wider freeways, but narrow view points

We spend more, but have less

We buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families

More conveniences, but less time

We have more degrees, but less sense

More knowledge, but less judgment.

More experts, less solutions

More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values

We talk too much, love too seldom and hate too.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life

We've added years to life, not life to years .

Just Think About It………

Woman Vs Man (Just for Fun)

 

 

 

ELEMENT - MAN

DISCOVERER - SATAN

ATOMIC MASS -    Anywhere between 85 to 210 kgs and most of it gravitate towards the center.

 

Physical Properties:

 

1. Body surface more in resemblance to bear and covered with a thin coat of perspiration.

2. Frozen and unresponsive in most cases.

3. Virgin grade a rarity but abundant common ore.

 

Chemical Properties.

 

1. Reacts very well to liquid cash and liquid spirits.

2. Explodes when in contact with precious metals and stones.

3. Most powerful energy drainer known to womankind.

 

 

Uses:

 

Not much except in incidental uses.

 

Hazards

 

1. Can get lost and never bother to ask for directions.

2. Messy and hard to maintain.

3. Possesion of even one can mar your entire life. So BEWARE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woman- As Explained by Engineers
Finally - an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man:

  but stil woman remains a mystery

 

FW: What a s/w engg guy really wants?? :))

 

 

 

 

 An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He

booked himself on a Caribbean   cruise and proceeded to have the time of his

life.



At least for a while.



A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost

instantly.

The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no

other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.



Used to five-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the

next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old

life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.



One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the

corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he

had ever seen. She rowed up to him.



In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you

get here?"



"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.

"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."



"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had

survived. How many of you are there?

You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."



"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing

did."



He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"



"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I

found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove

the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a

eucalyptus tree."



"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or

hardware - how did you manage?"



"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the

island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that

if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile

iron.

I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But

enough of that. Where do you live?"



Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach

the whole time.



"Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.



After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was

a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.



While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,

the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.



As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but

I call it home. Sit down, please.

Would you like to have a drink?"



"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another

drop of coconut juice."



"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still -

How about a Pinacolada?"



Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer

accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.



After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm

going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower

and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."



No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There

in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a

hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivelmechanism.



"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"



When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit

down next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to

him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very

long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel

like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these

months."



She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing -

this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.





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"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"