Never underestimate a malayalee!!

An old one, but one of those I still remember........

Enjoy!

~Nishant

Kuttappan is a Mallu...!

 

Kuttappan was bragging to his boss one day, "You know that I know everyone there is to know in this world. Just name someone, I mean anyone and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

 

So Kuttappan and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts,"Kuttapa! Great to see you!

 

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

 

Although impressed, Kuttappan's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

 

"No, no, just name anyone else", Kuttappan says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Kuttappan says, "I know him, let's fly out toWashington."And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Kutts, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Kuttappan who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Kuttappan. Kuttappan and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Kuttappan says,

 

"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.So he disappears into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican.

 

Sure enough, half an hour later Kuttappan emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Kuttappan returns, he finds that his boss has had a minor heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

 

Working his way to his boss' side, Kuttappan asks him, "what happened?"

 

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Kuttappan?

 

Moral of the story -

--------------------

Don't ever underestimate a Malayalee!!!!

Read till the end - it'll be worth it. (Socrates and Plato)

 

 

 

Be sure to read all the way to the end..... it's worth it !   Next time someone starts to spread gossip, think of this:  In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.  One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"  Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.It's called the Triple Filter Test."  "Triple filter?"  "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"  "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."  "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"  "No, on the contrary..."  "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"  The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.  Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"  "No, not really..."  "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,why tell it to me at all?"  The man was defeated and ashamed.  This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.    It also explains why he never found out that Plato  (his student)  was having an affair with his wife.

 

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Mallu Jokes !!!

 

 
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income
called?
     IngumDax
 
  2) Where did the Malayali study?
     In the ko-liage.
 
  3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

     He is very bissi.
 
  4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
     To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
     Gelff.

 
  5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
     To yearn meney.
 
  6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
     fire?

     He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
 
  7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
     MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and
Yen
 
  8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
     Yem Bee Yae.
 
  9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to   America ?
       
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
 
  10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
       everyday?
       An Oto

 
  11) Where does he pray?
       In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
 
  12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

       A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
 
  13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
       Kerala.
 
  14) Why is
industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
       Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
 
  15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?

       He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
       'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
 
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
       " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
 
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
       teams ?
       Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea
shop.
 
  18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
       kokanet oil.
 
  19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of
Benana
      Chibbs.
 
  20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
       bones.... 
  

Why is Love Blind ?...Mail Of the Day (Really Beautiful and True)

 

LOVE IS BLIND A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it,God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek."Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek "Madness", all the other qualities agreed.So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two,three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this time, all the qualities were already hidden-except "Love ". For stupid as "Love " is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love". "Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when "Madness" got to one hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness " searched madly and found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush." "Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry . The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes. Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u... ...u shall always be with him" And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

 

Thanks and Regards /Mit freundlichen Grußen ,
Kishore Kumar.R
Associate Software Engineer,
Engineering Services- Driver Information Systems
Robert Bosch India Limited
Contact No : 9180 - 6657 - 4485

One liners -- Hidden meanings

One liners -- Hidden meanings

Click here to joint the group

 

 

 

Today's  Professional Management FUNDAS


1."We will do it" means "You will do it"


2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"


3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"


4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"


6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"


7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"


8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"


11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is"


14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."


15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"


17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

~Nishant

Dumbest Kid

Dumbest Kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,

"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."The barber puts a dollar in one hand and 25 cents in the other,then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes 25 cents and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey,son, May I ask you a question? Why did you take 25 cents instead of the dollar?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar,the game's over!"


Moral: Sometimes, when you think the other is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

--
Nishant V. Patel

Interesting equation

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

 

**************

 

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs

 

**************

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

If, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs

 

**************

Summary:

Men earn money not to let women become pigs!

Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.

FW: Did you know . . .

Did you Know…

In ancient England, people could not have sex without consent from the King.
When people wanted to have a child, they had to solicit a permission to the monarchy, in turn they would supply a plaque to hang on their door when they had sexual relations.

The plaque read…" Fornication Under Consent of the King" (F.U.C.K).
This is the origin of the word.

German Pope

 

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the US driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. 

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."
 

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!!!

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. You may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth  floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step
as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who
can handle the truth!


*******

--
Nishant V. Patel