Greeting

From:Portia Ama Kwabina
Accra, Ghana.
 
Dearest,
 
I got your contact during my search for a reliable, honest and a trust worth person to entrust this huge transfer project with. My name is Ms Portia Ama Kwabina, Branch manager of a financial institution here in Ghana. I am a singal mother with a kid.  I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only.
 
This fund is the excess of what my branch in which am the manager made as profit during the 2005 financial year. I have already submitted annual report for that year to my head office here in Accra as I have watched with keen interest as they will never know of this excess.I have since, placed this amount of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only to an Escrow Coded account without a beneficiary (anonymous) to avoid trace.
 
As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money into your bank account on my behalf. I intend to part 30% of this fund to you while 70% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It's going to be a bank-to-bank transfer. All I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund so that the fund can be transferred to your account. If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response urgently.
 
With Regards,
Ms Portia Ama Kwabina.

---

Play free games, earn tickets, get cool prizes! Join Live Search Club.   Join Live Search Club!

Fwd: Two Moons on 27th August

Hello,

*Two moons on 27 August*

*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for...*

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.

It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will
cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be
sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth
has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it
again.

The paradox of our time in history is that….

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers

Wider freeways, but narrow view points

We spend more, but have less

We buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families

More conveniences, but less time

We have more degrees, but less sense

More knowledge, but less judgment.

More experts, less solutions

More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values

We talk too much, love too seldom and hate too.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life

We've added years to life, not life to years .

Just Think About It………

Woman Vs Man (Just for Fun)

 

 

 

ELEMENT - MAN

DISCOVERER - SATAN

ATOMIC MASS -    Anywhere between 85 to 210 kgs and most of it gravitate towards the center.

 

Physical Properties:

 

1. Body surface more in resemblance to bear and covered with a thin coat of perspiration.

2. Frozen and unresponsive in most cases.

3. Virgin grade a rarity but abundant common ore.

 

Chemical Properties.

 

1. Reacts very well to liquid cash and liquid spirits.

2. Explodes when in contact with precious metals and stones.

3. Most powerful energy drainer known to womankind.

 

 

Uses:

 

Not much except in incidental uses.

 

Hazards

 

1. Can get lost and never bother to ask for directions.

2. Messy and hard to maintain.

3. Possesion of even one can mar your entire life. So BEWARE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woman- As Explained by Engineers
Finally - an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man:

  but stil woman remains a mystery

 

FW: What a s/w engg guy really wants?? :))

 

 

 

 

 An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He

booked himself on a Caribbean   cruise and proceeded to have the time of his

life.



At least for a while.



A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost

instantly.

The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no

other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.



Used to five-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the

next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old

life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.



One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the

corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he

had ever seen. She rowed up to him.



In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you

get here?"



"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.

"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."



"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had

survived. How many of you are there?

You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."



"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing

did."



He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"



"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I

found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove

the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a

eucalyptus tree."



"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or

hardware - how did you manage?"



"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the

island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that

if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile

iron.

I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But

enough of that. Where do you live?"



Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach

the whole time.



"Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.



After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was

a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.



While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,

the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.



As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but

I call it home. Sit down, please.

Would you like to have a drink?"



"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another

drop of coconut juice."



"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still -

How about a Pinacolada?"



Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer

accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.



After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm

going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower

and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."



No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There

in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a

hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivelmechanism.



"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"



When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit

down next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to

him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very

long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel

like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these

months."



She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing -

this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.





...



...



...



...



...



...







...

...



...



...







...



...







"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

When you have an "I hate my job day"

When you have an "I hate my job day"

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson
& Johnson. Be very
sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors,draw the curtains and
disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very
comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package
and removed the thermometer.

Now,carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will
not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice
that in small print there is a statement, "Every Rectal Thermometer
made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I
do not work in the Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS
SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN
IN THE ASS THAN YOURS.

***

Fwd: did u know

Do you know,

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' &'d' do not appear anywhere in
the spellings of 1 to 99

( Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred )

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the
spellings of 1 to 999

( Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand )

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the
spellings of 1 to 999,999,999

( Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion )

And

Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of
entire English counting

Fwd: Computer Problem

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Jimmy the computer
guy, to come over.

Jimmy clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a
bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T
error? What's that . in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned....

"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out ........ I D 1 0 T

Fwd: Income tax officer

The income tax officer decides to audit businessman Kewalramani, and
summons him to the income tax office.

The officer is not surprised when Kewalramani shows up with his
attorney, Jamshedji..

The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you won money
gambling. I'm not sure the income tax finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Kewalramani. "How
about a demonstration? "

The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Kewalramani says, "I'll bet you ten thousand rupees that I can bite my own eye."

The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Kewalramani removes his glass eye and bites it.

The officer's jaw drops.

Kewalramani says, "Now, I'll bet you Twenty Thousand rupees that I can
bite my other eye."

The officer can tell Kewalramani isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Kewalramani removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned officer now realizes he has wagered and lost Thirty
thousand rupees, with Jamshedji as a witness.

He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Kewalramani asks.

"I'll bet you Sixty Thousand rupees that I can stand on one side of
your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never
get a drop anywhere in between."

The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
Decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, So he agrees
again.

Kewalramani stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss Into a huge win.

But Jamshedji moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the officer asks.

"Not really," says Jamshedji, the attorney.

"This morning, when Kewalramani told me he'd been summoned for an
audit, he bet me One Hundred Thousand Rupees that he could come in
here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS- Divorce and Businessdeals.

THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS- Divorce

After 48 years of marriage, an elderly Sindhi man in Bombay calls his
son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to
tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of
misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this,so you call
your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man,
"You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my
Brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says,
"It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying
their own airfare!!"
WHAT A BRIGHT IDEA TO BRING BACK OUR CHILDREAN HOME!!!

SYL

----------------------------------------------------
THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS- Business

Three contractors . . . one from India, another from Germany and the
third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. They go
with a White House official to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I
figure the job will run $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour
and $100 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew
and $100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers: "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire
the guy from Germany to do the work."