One liners -- Hidden meanings

One liners -- Hidden meanings

Click here to joint the group

 

 

 

Today's  Professional Management FUNDAS


1."We will do it" means "You will do it"


2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"


3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"


4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"


5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"


6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"


7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"


8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"


9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"


11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is"


14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."


15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"


16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"


17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

~Nishant

Dumbest Kid

Dumbest Kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,

"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."The barber puts a dollar in one hand and 25 cents in the other,then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes 25 cents and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey,son, May I ask you a question? Why did you take 25 cents instead of the dollar?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar,the game's over!"


Moral: Sometimes, when you think the other is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.

--
Nishant V. Patel

Interesting equation

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

 

**************

 

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs

 

**************

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

If, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs

 

**************

Summary:

Men earn money not to let women become pigs!

Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.

FW: Did you know . . .

Did you Know…

In ancient England, people could not have sex without consent from the King.
When people wanted to have a child, they had to solicit a permission to the monarchy, in turn they would supply a plaque to hang on their door when they had sexual relations.

The plaque read…" Fornication Under Consent of the King" (F.U.C.K).
This is the origin of the word.

German Pope

 

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the US driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. 

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."