Why did the hen cross the road ?

Why did the hen cross the road? 

Nursery Kid : To go on the other side.

Kurt Cobain : She really had no exciting life. She'd rather be hated for who she is, than loved for who she is not.  There are a lot of things she have would done, instead of just sitting around and hatching eggs and then complaining about having a boring life. So I would pretty much like to say it was better for the hen to burn out than fade away.

Eric Clapton : I mean, it didn't matter to me that the hen crossed the road, it didn't matter. Just the melody as she sung the immigrant song while crossing was so captivating that it helped me to get rid of those inhibitions. I mean, the sound was so hypnotic and addictive to me, that I could cross any kind of border with the hen to go wherever she goes.

Bruce Dickinson : For the greater good of God.

Brittney Spears : You know baby, the hen just did it again. The hen and I are friends no matter what the media makes up. I always meet that hen because we're so close. We're almost like sisters, and we're also close because our moms are sisters. So I know the reason why she crossed. She saw a cock and maybe she did not want to wait to have S** until she was married. Oops I forgot to say the hen also liked rock and roll like me! She also sung that song in one of my shows you know.

John Lennon : Imagine all the hens, especially the middle east one's, crossing roads in peace.

David Gilmour : The hen's ideology has depth, and attempts philosophical thought and meaning with discussions of infinity, eternity and mortality to follow. There is a line which people cross that turns it into some magical, mystical realm, for which I don't claim responsibility and don't hold any great truck with. The hen crossed that very line.

Eddie Vedder : The hen did not need drugs to make her life tragic. I just think that all of us in this room should have a voice in how the USA reacts to this situation. And he doesn’t allow us our voice, that's all I'm saying.

Madonna :  Deep in its heart the hen was concealing things that she was longing to say. Scared to confess what she felt - frightened she stood. Finally it decided to be brave and cross the road. A lot of people are afraid to do what they want. That's why they don't get what they want. The hen got what she wanted.

Jim Morrison : The hen was a drug addict. It was not in its senses as it crossed the road. She knew that death would make angel of her and give her wings where she had shoulders smooth as ravens claws. People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess the hen knew that Death is her only friend. I think a truck went over her as she crossed. She went on a unknown journey.

Bono - The hen wanted to have fun, and she wanted to change the world. She had a chance to do both. She did it.

Jimi Hendrix - The hen made me feel sad. After a while I started getting aware of her crossing the road, it started to bring me down a little bit. I got a pet monkey called Charlie Chan. It used to trouble that hen. Due to this depression she finally decided to cross the road and leave this old Nebraska town.

Robert Plant - Yes, I have confirmed this with Jimmy. The hen did cross. It's sort of a feeling of power. It's really the ability to make people smile, or just to turn them one way or another for that duration of time, and for it to have some effect later on. I don't really think its power... it's the goodness...and the aura that the hen left us with as she crossed the road.

Freddie Mercury :   Cause it wanted to break free and that's the reason that most of these media people don’t understand.

Jon Bon Jovi : The hen wanted to attend my Piano lessons. That's why she crossed the road. This inspired my band to make 'Crossroads'. Piano playing is a dying art. I love the fact that I can be one guy with one instrument evoking an emotional and musical experience. A lot of hens and cats are my students. Apart from that you know I can sing. The hen knows that too. George Bush knows that. I mean I really can. Why do you think Bon Jovi is such a big hit? ..ugh..did I hear Sambora?

Eminem : The hen knew who the real slim shady was. It was the f* hen. It was f* Brittney Spears and she f* stood up and crossed the f* road. The hen was no one else but Spears. Trust me as my nigga Dr. Dre will f* tell you exactly the f* same.

Priceless

A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it is in perfect order, ...spotless, ...clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love
You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, he asked, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said , "hey !!!!!!! leave me alone! I'm married!"

Moral

Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00

Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00

Broken furniture -- Rs. 20,000.00

Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS" !!!!!!!!!!!!

Actual writings on some patient's cards at Kenyatta Hospital

* Actual writings on some patient's cards at Kenyatta Hospital
*
1. She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid .(!!)
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal over function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
a stockbroker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Wangui, who felt we should
sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
 

 

~Nishant

FW: ~~~5O mOre faCts~~~

 

---

From: Kiran Shekhar (RBIN/ECR3)
Sent: Thursday, 17. May 2007 4:04 PM
To: Ankur Sharma (RBIN/ECR3)
Subject: FW: ~~~5O mOre faCts~~~

 

 

Kiran G Shekhar
ECR-3 / Kor 905
Extn-66574391

 

---

From: Thanuja G (RBIN/ECA1)
Sent: Thursday, 17. May 2007 3:04 PM
To: Sandhya Peravali (RBIN/ECA1); Suhas Shah (RBIN/ECA1); Saravana K (RBIN/ECA1); Balasubramani V (RBIN/ECA1); Vanishree A C (RBIN/ECA1); Kiran Shekhar (RBIN/ECR3)
Subject: FW: ~~~5O mOre faCts~~~

 

---

From: Prashanth J Rao [mailto:Prashanth.J@synopsys.com]
Sent: Thursday, 17. May 2007 10:33 AM
To: Naveen R Baratanki; Siddharth Patil (RBIN/ECC2); Ravindra Manturgi (RBIN/EDI1); Hari ri; Parveen Taj; banu prakash; Soumya; Asha Joshi (RBIN/EDT-T1); Bhagyashri Mayya; Jyothi Balehosur (B'gloreauto); priya nebhwani; Thanuja G (RBIN/ECA1); chandrika av; Kirti Nadagouda (RBIN/ECC1)
Subject: ~~~5O mOre faCts~~~

 

1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of freshchampagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.


3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.


6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.


7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.


8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.


9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.


10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.


12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas g@mbling casin0s.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.


14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.


15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.


19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.


21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.


22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.


23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.


25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.

40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.


46. There are more chickens than people in the world.


47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.


48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "s ub c ont in ent al".


50. There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.

ForwardSourceID:NT0001464E
ForwardSourceID:NT00009676

Software engineering

. Thank you for your cooperation.

Updated! must see

 

 

Dont miss the that last one!

 

TO KILL A " LION"  COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD 
 

 

 

 

  Satyam Method:

 

Hire a lion....

 

Place him in "QRU"(Bench)  for 1 year

Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder

 

Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......

 

Cognizant Method:

hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.

hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit

give them same gobi 65 to eat

hire 200 more....... and more ........

 

TCS method:

 

hire a lion

give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary

lion dies of hunger and frustration

 

 

IBM's method:

 

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....

he dies of unemployment...

 

Syntel Method:-

 

Hire a Cat ...

assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and

make sure that he never reaches onsite.

Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

 

TechMahindra method:

 

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.

lion dies of the strain

 

i-Flex method:

 

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari

for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes

alive he will get band movement (promotion)

holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

 

     HCL Method:

 

hire a lion .

tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...

lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....

 

Polaris Method :

 

hire ..sorry....purchase a lion( HCL  ) ..

change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )

cut down his allowance (coupons etc)

lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

 

 

Patni method:

 

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...

the lion dies before joining....

 

 

Wipro Method:

Hire a Lion,

give him a mail Id.

he will die receiving stupid mails all day........!!!!

 

Accenture Method:

 

Hire a lion....

Send him to chennai

Ask him to stay on bench for a long time

Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada

No hindi, kanaka or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...

No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls

And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".

Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

 

HUAWEI Method:

 

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...

Give him work of 3 Lions

Tell him to work late and even on weekends...

No time for food and family, automatically die

 

 

 

 

INFOSYS METHOD:

HIRE A LION�..

SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE

...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J

MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM 

............... LION TURNS INTO CAT

MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM

�...........................................�.CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE

SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG  

................................. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!

SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS

................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE

   THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

 

 BOSCH METHOD: 

 

developer explanation:: 

Hire a Free Bird,

Give him 100 tickets and tell him that tomorrow is the software freeze.

Bird will try to become a lion ,but he cant and PM will kill the bird

 

 

One wish...

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to".
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside , what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
God took a deep breath and said, "YOU WANT TWO LANES OR FOUR ON THAT BRIDGE???"

Gas problem!

Gas problem!

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn`t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. In fact I`ve farted at least 20 times since I`ve been here in your office. You didn`t know I was farting because they didn`t smell and were silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don`t know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent, stink terribly." "Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let`s work on your hearing."

Airlines hoarding ads

Nice one...


NEXT...

...And NEXT

A Smart Love Letter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a couple and they love each other deeply however, the girl's
father does not like the boy and want them stop their
relationship...........and

so......the boy wrote this letter to the girl.....he knows that the
girl's father will definitely read this letter...

1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows everyday. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to take care for me and help me
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye ! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad !! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy
told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES"..... meaning-only to read
1,3,5,7,9,11,13.....etc (odd number)

So please try reading it again