Thursday, October 4, 2007

A BRIDGE TOO FAR

 An excellent conversation b/w Lord Ram and Hanuman, about the state of social affairs, mind set of the ppl, politics, bureaucracy, work culture in India...read on...

The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your grace.

We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on construction. "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to submit age proof and we don't have either a bi rth certificate or school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in bullock carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under litigation for over half a century, If I go in a traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."

"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted without documentary evidence in India . You may cough but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as long as Salman Khan is around."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Dont Say No to Man In Bed... !!!

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silver back gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went crazy. He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously very excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got extremely excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to show a little more skin. She did ... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down!

"Now, show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and charging the bars!

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and said,

 

 

 

 

 

" Now, tell him that you have a headache AND U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW."

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Fwd: Scrabble

 
This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

When you rearrange the letters:

FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:
ARAB DEATH

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

 

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROO M

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE


 

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE
 


SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

 


 

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Fwd: funny !

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of
dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it
instead
of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to
spend
all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in
20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you
for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

One liners from Dilbert

Dilbert's one liners


1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate
it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week.

--
Nishant V. Patel

HOW WAS I BORN?

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies,
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
Cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother Agreed
to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to Upload, we
discovered that neither One of us had used a firewall, but it was too
late to hit the delete Button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message Saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized Program activity
from a self extracting file which had implanted In her BIOS. Then nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared And said: You've Got Male'!"

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

HAPPY KERALAM

HAPPY KERALAM

VS Achuthanandan, Oommen Chandy, Pinarayi Vijayan & K.Karunakaran were
flying in a helicopter.

VS Achuthanandan drops a Rs.100.00 note & says,
'I made 1 Malayalee happy.'

Chandy drops two Rs.50.00 notes & says,
'I made 2 Malayalees happy.'

Pinarayi drops ten Rs.10.00 notes & says,
'I made 10 Malayalees happy.'

K Karunakaran drops 100 One Rupee coins & says,
'I made 100 Malayalees happy.'

The pilot who overheard all these, warned them,
'I'll throw all four of you out and make three crores of Malayalees happy.'

Send this to your Malayalee pals & make them Happy.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Greeting

From:Portia Ama Kwabina
Accra, Ghana.
 
Dearest,
 
I got your contact during my search for a reliable, honest and a trust worth person to entrust this huge transfer project with. My name is Ms Portia Ama Kwabina, Branch manager of a financial institution here in Ghana. I am a singal mother with a kid.  I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only.
 
This fund is the excess of what my branch in which am the manager made as profit during the 2005 financial year. I have already submitted annual report for that year to my head office here in Accra as I have watched with keen interest as they will never know of this excess.I have since, placed this amount of $ 4,550.000.00 Million United States dollars only to an Escrow Coded account without a beneficiary (anonymous) to avoid trace.
 
As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money into your bank account on my behalf. I intend to part 30% of this fund to you while 70% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It's going to be a bank-to-bank transfer. All I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund so that the fund can be transferred to your account. If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response urgently.
 
With Regards,
Ms Portia Ama Kwabina.


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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Fwd: Two Moons on 27th August

Hello,

*Two moons on 27 August*

*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for...*

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.

It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will
cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be
sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth
has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it
again.

Friday, July 27, 2007

The paradox of our time in history is that….

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers

Wider freeways, but narrow view points

We spend more, but have less

We buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families

More conveniences, but less time

We have more degrees, but less sense

More knowledge, but less judgment.

More experts, less solutions

More medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values

We talk too much, love too seldom and hate too.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life

We've added years to life, not life to years .

Just Think About It………

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