Rajini Vs Jayalalitha.....funny

Rajnikant was bragging to Jayalalitha one day, "You know, I know everyone
Just name someone, anyone, and I knowthem.

Tired of his boasting, Jayalalitha called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about
Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Jayalalitha fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door,

and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts:--- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You and your
friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

....Although impressed, Jayalalitha is still skeptical.After they leave
Cruise's house, she tells Rajini that she thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says

..."President Bush",Jayalalitha quickly retorts

...."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him .

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Rajini on the tour and
motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee
first and catch up".

Well, Jayalalitha is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. Af
ter they leave the White House grounds, he implores her to name anyone else.

"The Pope," Jayalalitha replies

...."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Germany and I've known the Pope a
long time".

Rajini and Jayalalitha are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when
Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all
these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go
upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Su re enough,
half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Jayalalitha has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Wo rking his way to Jayalalitha's
side, Rajini asks her, "What happened?"

Jayalalitha looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope came
out on the balcony and the man next to me said,


*
*
*
*
*
*
"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Will u re-marry?

Husband: if I die, will u remarry?
Wife: no, I'll stay with my sister.

Wife: if I die will u remarry?
Husband: no I'll also stay with your sister.

An Interesting Conversation -- Must Read

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof : So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
Student is silent.

Prof: You can't answer, can you?
Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
Student does not answer.

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Now the student said can I ask something to you Professor.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?


Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.


Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?


(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?


(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. .


WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT STUDENT WAS?

This is a true story, and the student was none other than

DR. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

--
Nishant V. Patel

ATTORNEY

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

Fwd: Origin of the Human Race

Origin of the Human Race

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?The mother

answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all

mankind made.

Two days later she asks her father the same question.The father answered:

Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was

developed.The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom', how is it

possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa

says they were developed from monkeys.

The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the

origin of my side of the family while your father told you about his side..

Don't copy if you can't paste !

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he:
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't
my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried
to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a
drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the
joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she
was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

Tour the Googleplex
By Chuck Salter



Unlike most corporate campuses, Google actually feels like a college. The Googleplex in Mountain View, California, oozes ambition, fun, and an undeniable sense of community. The perks are as good as advertised -- and strategic. Google applies the same ingenuity to its internal operations as it does to Internet search, eliminating distraction so employees can keep thinking big.



Google offices are spread out, which could easily hinder collaboration. Walking is often too time-consuming, and driving isn't practical given the demand for parking. The solution? Dozens of free company bikes -- like the one that software engineer Stefan Kuhne is using here. The basket in front is for laptops, natch.



In addition to the bikes, which are lined up outside most buildings, employees can opt for these zippy company scooters. There's also the tandem bike that seats eight riders. Now that's teamwork.



To avoid IT-related delays and downtime, the company makes repairs unbelievably convenient. Employees with buggy browsers or overheated hard drives simply walk into one of the Tech Stops located throughout the Googleplex. The stations work like a doc-in-a-box staffed by IT experts.





It's easy to dismiss Google's perks as cushy, but often, they're as clever and useful as the "Did you mean?" function in its search engine. Take its laundry service. In addition to a free laundry room, Google has paid dry-cleaning pickup service. The convenience doesn't end there. The company also arranges for on-site oil changes.





Google has four full-time physicians, including an allergist. "We're trying to make your life outside the office more efficient," says HR manager Anne Driscoll. "We don't want you to spend three hours going to the doctor. Let's have doctors here on site, so it'll take 20 minutes."





Google operates a fleet of comfy, Wi-Fi-equipped shuttles that transport 1,200 employees a day from San Francisco to Mountain View. "It's insanely practical," says Matt Glotzbach, a product management director. "I get an extra two to three hours of productive time every day. People do e-mail, read books, listen to music. The shuttle eliminates the most stressful part of the day."





The downside of taking the shuttle to work is not having a car during the day. How do you meet with partners or customers? Employees hop in the company's plug-in hybrids that are part of its car-sharing fleet. An added bonus: Googlers give this cutting-edge technology much-needed visibility around town.





With more than 9,000 solar panels covering its buildings, Google has one of the largest corporate installations in the world. At peak output, on sunny days, the panels produce about 30% of the electricity needed for each corresponding building. "It's a significant chunk," says Bill Weihl, Google's green energy czar.





The Googleplex has 17 cafeterias that offer employees up to three free meals a day. The menus change daily. The philosophy doesn't. Chefs teach their captive audience about sweeteners, portions, the environmental consequences of plastic water bottles. That's why every table has a bottle of filtered water.



"I thought corporate food was about pre-made sauces and things dumped out of cans," says executive chef Josef Desimone. "But it's not like that [at Google]. We cook from scratch... We've got people from all over the world, and we think about bringing a piece of everybody's culture here. I'll hit them up for their grandma's recipes."



This gallery, displayed in one of the main buildings, captures the company's stature and playfulness. Here's a who's who of Googleplex visitors: Bill Clinton, George Soros, Jane Goodall, Robin Williams, Gwyneth Paltrow -- pictured alongside engineer Tan Chade-Meng. What started as a lark is now a routine part of visiting Google.



There's a number of massage rooms on campus where employees can get half-hour massages from trained therapists. Not to be confused with the rooms reserved for meditation.



No time to visit the massage therapist? No problem. That's what the cushy massage chairs around the offices are for. Here, application support specialist Matt Nicol takes advantage of one while taking his work with him.



Dogs are fairly common at startups, not at companies as big as Google. As long as the dogs are well behaved, they're welcome at the Googleplex. Here's software engineer Juliana Jaeger and her companion, Newton.



Forget that gym membership. Google has a spacious exercise room with personal trainers, an outdoor volleyball court, a basketball court, even a lap pool. "I can imagine a different company doing the same things and yet it could feel corporate and insincere," says engineering manager Niniane Wang. "The sentiment behind Google's actions is really important."



Part of the collegiate feel comes from all the games available around the office to employees-- ping pong, foosball, chess, pool, Wii, you name it.



In most buildings, there's a huge whiteboard that stretches nearly the length of a wall. At least it starts out white, but soon, it's filled with doodles, shout-outs, ideas, and, in one case, an enormous diagram for a Rube Goldberg-like machine.



Google chefs are committed to using local fresh foods. That includes growing some of their own vegetables and spices in 100 EarthBoxes, developed by the Growing Connection, a nonprofit that promotes sustainable food production. The planters, located in the main courtyard, demonstrate innovative techniques being used by communities in the developing world.



This may look like a booth at the International Toy Fair, but it's really the cube where Rudy Schusteritsch, a user-experience research manager, gets his work done. Google encourages employees to have fun personalizing their space, and they don't disappoint. Some even hold contests for the most tricked-out cube.



New Googlers are called Nooglers. They start out having lunch together in a designated area in the cafeteria to foster community and publicize new hires. An in-house tool called Percents calculates the percentage of people newer than a given employee. The rule of thumb: When you've been around longer than 1% of the staff, you cease to be a Noogler.



At night you can't help but notice how many people are still around. Not everyone's working, though. Some play Wii tennis, shoot hoops, jog around campus. It seems so, well, ordinary. But it's remarkable. How many companies do you know where employees don't want to leave at the end of the day?

Men will be Men...doesn't matter even if they are MEN IN BLUE!!!!!

Secret behind happy married life... ...

Secret behind happy married life..........................

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married
life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect
to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my
wife decides on smaller issues.  We do not interfere in each other's
decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount
to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner,
refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc
are decided by my wife.  I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues.  Like whether
America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over
Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar
should retire etc etc.   Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to
any of these".

 

J J J 

New Rajnikanth facts...

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... .... he turns the dark off.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

~Nishant