Saturday, May 5, 2007

Play with words...too good....


Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!

 

 


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:




ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!

__._,_.___
 

Funny signs

# Sign on a Undertaker's Shop at Mahim :
"People are dying for our services"

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
we need your heads to run our business.

# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they
never will be.....


#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations such
as Jaish, Lashkar etc.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces

Real Story-Bangalore-Weak Hearts dont read...

Please pass this to as many as possible


If you know some one staying in B'glore let them know this If you are in
b'lore, do go through this story COZ, its a real one.
Read this true story... and let everybody you know in and around
Bangalore especially Bannerghatta Road ........

My friend lives in Malleshwaram... One day he went to Bannerghatta Road
to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding
in
Coimbatore . One evening he and some other of my college friends went to
Yellahanka for a movie.

He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the
last local bus to Bannerghatta Road ..... he reached Bannerghatta Road
around
midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home....
As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy
as it was so dark. While walking, he was stonished to See an old creepy
looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a
thing like that..... It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that
his old guy is
unusually pale and staring at him... The old guy said "Son why don't
you get a
book...it would keep you company". Then he did something which he would
regret for the rest of his life .........

My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his
collections... My friend's hair started to rise up as he noticed that
all the books were related to supernatural activities...but he found one
that was very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?".... The old guy
replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250.
My
friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive" This time the
old man
stared which freaked my friend. My friend quickly checked all his
pockets & found Rs.200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied
"It's OK son ....you can have
the book for that price"

As ! my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back
& said "Son ... whatever happen, you don't ever flip the book to it's
last
page... remember these words or you would regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly
asked his Uncle whether there was any new old bookseller nearby? The
Uncle
replied "not that I know of but ...we've heard that there's 1 old man
comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is
something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle...just
asking". He started reading the book with the old man's words on his
mind.. At
night, 12 0'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled
him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the wind had blown the
pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said! But we
humans
tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the
last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart warn you

..........

...

...

...

...

.

..

..

..

...

..

..

..

..

..

....

Original price:-- Rs. 20/-

Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-

**********************************

LOllll lollllllllllll


Don't Start Cursing Me, I felt the Same way on reading
this __._,_.___

Yoga Vs Whiskey

Pic 1: it takes years of practice to do this asana.

Pic2: it takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do the above asana.

So why practice, simply have whiskey !!

MUST READ!! GREAT STORY

There was a boy in high school we will call Joey. One day Joey leaned

over to the girl sitting next to him in class and whispered, "Red

roses."

The shocked girl stood up, slapped Joey in the face and went crying to

the teacher. The teacher called Joey to the desk and asked what he had

said.

Red roses" was Joey's reply, at which the teacher screamed and sent

poor Joey to the principal's office.

As Joey waited in the lobby to be called in, he pondered what was

happening to him. His thoughts where cut short by the sound of the

secretary saying he could go in. Joey walked into the office and was

told to take a seat, which he did.

After telling the story of how he had been wrongly accused and how he

knew there was some mistake, the principal smiled and asked, "OK,

Joey, I understand. What did you say to her?" Joey was sure the

principal would be a reasonable man and responded "Red roses." you

could watch as the principal turned red and shouted "YOU'RE EXPELLED!

GET OUT!"

Joey asked to wait for the bus to take him home, since he lived some

distance away. "NO!" Then Joey was informed that if he were caught on

the premises again, he would be arrested for trespassing.

Very distraught, Joey set out on his way home. He had made it about a

mile down the road when Old Man Jones, the local pig farmer, stopped

and offered a ride home. Joey, being very upset, of course, accepted

the ride.

Not more than a mile down the road, Old Man Jones asked why Joey

wasn't in school, so Joey told the story of the events that had

happened that day. At the end of the story, the old man said that it

sounded like Joey had quite a rough time of it "Oh, and what did you

say?" Joey hesitated-- should he tell the man what he said, or not? He

decided to tell him. "Red roses."

The tires squealed as the truck ground to a halt.Old Man Jones reached

over and opened the door and pushed Joey out on his ear.

Now very angry, Joey got up, brushed himself off, and continued on his

way home. Upon arriving at home, Joey's mother, Mrs. Campbell, saw

that her son wasn't looking too good, and asked why he hadn't caught

the bus. Joey told her. She fixed Joey a bowl of soup and then asked,

"Joey, dear, what on earth did you say to that little girl?" Joey

wasn't sure what to do. He knew his mother loved him, but he didn't

want her to have the same reaction everyone else had. But he told her

anyway. "Red roses."

Joey waited in his room with a bruised ego and a sore bottom,

wondering what would happen when his father got home. Six o'clock came

around and Joey's father got home. He could hear his parents arguing

outside his door and then suddenly it was quiet. Mr.. Campbell came

into the room and said, "Your mother told me you had some trouble at

school, but I told her you and I would figure it out.

But the first thing is you have to tell me what you said." "OK, Dad, I

said red roses'," was Joey's response. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU"RE NO

SON OF MINE!"

The next morning, Joey decided he needed to get a job. It was awhile

before he found anyone who would hire a 15-year-old who had been

expelled from high school and kicked out of the house. But Joey wasn't

a quitter, and he did find a job working at a gas station in a

neighboring town. After a few months, Joey had managed to get settled

in his new job and had even moved into the apartment over his boss'

garage.

On a particularly slow day at work Joey's boss asked what had happened

that caused everything that had happened to happen. Joey went into

along story of emotional stress,misunderstood youth, the pain of

having lost all of his friends and family in one fateful day. The tale

Joey spun was so powerful; his boss was moved to tears and, out of

compassion, offered to adopt Joey.

With the firstsmile to cross his lips in months, Joey accepted. On the

way to thecourtproceedings a few days later, Joey's boss asked him,

"Exactly, what did you say to her?" Without thinking, Joey replied,

"Red roses." His boss grew as white as a ghost and said, "That was my

niece, you little pervert!"

Once again, Joey was without a friend in the world. The next day Joey

took all the money he had managed to save and bought a bus ticket "to

wherever the farthest place from here is."

As he waited for his bus, a little old lady sat down next to him on

the bench. Even though he didn't want to, she started talking, and

before you knew it, she had heard almost the whole story. But she

interrupted and asked what he had said."Ma'am, I said 'red roses'."

Well, the words were just barely out of his mouth when she started

beating him with her cane.

In order to flee the fury of the old woman, he ran across the road,

but he never made it to the other side. He was hit by a speeding Mack

truck and he died.

The moral of this story is,

No matter what happens , always look both ways before crossing the street.

Don't look for me, somebody has forwarded it to me, I may be miles
away from you already now!!! He He He!!!!.

The Indian Devil

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do
here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers
that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He
told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay
you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in
and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as
all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not
work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to
the canteen!!!!!!

Fwd: Cancer in Children (please do not delete!)]


 

Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer .. I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. D octors say   I will die soon if! this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills.

The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this   message is sent on.



For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who   don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart, please send   this.

Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. PLEASE HIT FORWARD   BUTTON   NOT REPLY BUTTON.


 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                            


 
                                                                                                                                                  YOUR'S FAITHFULLY,
 
                                                                                                                                                    AMY BRUCE

 
                                                                                                                                                 
amy.bruce@makeawish.com
       
 
                                                                                                                                              ( PLEASE HELP ME LIVE LIKE YOU DO) 

Wife of Yesterday, Today and Future



Friday, May 4, 2007

The taxman cometh

Now, you can fill your tax forms with a smile on your face. :-)
---------------------------------------------------------
A man and his dog are lost in the wilderness and run out of food. The
man loves his dog, and could never eat it, but he's desparate, so he
chops off the dog's tail, and makes a soup out of it. The dog is OK,
and the man let's it lap up a little bit of the soup.

That's the basic concept of the tax refund


---------------------------------------------------------
The Internal Revenue sends their best auditor (a nasty little man) to audit
a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks,and then turns to the
Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then,
they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in
his obnoxious way...

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect the crumbs,
we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then,
they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard on a way to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he asked, "what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions? "

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins. And when we have enough we actually send them to
the Internal Revenue Service."

"Internal Revenue Service?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue Service. And about once
a year, they send us a little prick like you."

HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN MEETINGS :-) Just for laughs ,Take it seriously .


 
 
HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN MEETINGS: (OFFERED AS A PUBLIC SERVICE)

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good
size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competences
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* expeditious
* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"



Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David, Florida

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan, New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben, Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours." - Paul, Cleveland

 

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